The NOTSAFE Pre-News
Index
July 1, 2006
North Korean Missiles Destroyed By Beer Cans In Space!
Garbage launched in early 1999 has luckily (but accidentally) ÒtrashedÓ a TOD (Type Of Dong) intercontinental missile which was on a trajectory to penetrate San Francisco. It is believed that this missile was carrying small (but ecologically safe) nuclear warhead. A similar plan, using randomly strewn empty garbage cans, is now being considered to slow down speeding drivers on all interstate freeway systems. Learn about the Òlitter-defenseÓ theory by clicking on this link.
https://notsafe.org/Index_StrategicTrashInitiative
Cindy Sheehan and a dozen high (and high profile) Hollywood celebrities have begun a grueling 4 hour hunger strike. This strike will continue until President Bush has agreed to become a vegetarian, practice harmonic convergence and withdraw all U.S. military forces from Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, New Orleans, Topeka and the Pentagon.
Promising not to surrender to their Òbiological needsÓ until ALL demands have been met, they are prepared to begin their ÒrollingÓ hunger strike at least once every 4 hoursÉand will only consume items approved in the ÒMichael MooreÓ dietÉDetails of their special ÒPeace DietÓ can be found atÉ
https://notsafe.org/Index_SexDiet4Slobs
How could something as simple as a bathroom toilet become a weapon? As terrorist have discovered, all it takes is a little planning, an accurate watch and a lot of crap.
Have you ever felt that rumbling down deep inside and knew
something BIG was about to happen? Do you have that inexplicable need to
express yourself, but donÕt know how to write? HereÕs a sure-fire method to get
your message exposed by simply flushing your toilet. Seat belt required before
reading. https://notsafe.org/SynchronizedFlush
July 22, 2006
Do you have a spare pet hanging around the house? Would
you like to save endangered species and prevent destruction to the Rain Forest?
This article was the result of a disturbing story from US News and World
Report about Òbush meatÓ. No
insects, mammals, reptiles or endangered species were harmed, embarrassed or
insulted during the production of this Òpress releaseÓ.
https://notsafe.org/FoodRUsDogs
Before allowing your child to attend another birthday party, read how violence and baseball bats can create a dangerous situation and spawn terrorism.
https://notsafe.org/PinataSyndrome
August 3, 2006
Tourist Need Òpa$$portÓ
to Visit SB
Santa Barbara has a beautiful climate, lots of great
restaurants and only the best tourists should be allowed to visit.
https://notsafe.org/How_SB_Does_Tourism
August 16, 2006
New Laws Passed to
Prevent Senile Driving
Are senile drivers more dangerous than drunks? Could
Òsobriety checkpointsÓ be the first step to a police state? Before you put the
keys in the ignition, think about the risks and read these two articles.
https://notsafe.org/Senile_Drivers_Worse_Than_Drunks
https://notsafe.org/seniledrivers
Skateboarding and roller skates are just too dangerous to
go unregulated. See if you donÕt agree. Joggers are next.
https://notsafe.org/Radar_4Skaters2
Advertisement
DonÕt By It If You CanÕt Touch It!!
DonÕt Get Scammed By
ÒName-A-StarÓ HoaxesÉBuy REAL SAND Instead
Before sending $50 to get a star named for someone, consider naming a grain of sand instead. This special offer will save you time and money.
https://notsafe.org/BS9_ALL.html
Dangerous Gifts!! Give Them
Before ItÕs Too Late!
Barney Brantingham of the Santa Barbara News Press helps spread the word on Òsafe givingÓ. Here are some things to avoid giving for Christmas, Birthdays and Anniversaries.
https://notsafe.org/Index_DangerousGiftIdeas
September 15, 2006
Federal Law Needed To Halt Water Abuse
Water, water...everywhere. And all it does is kill.
https://notsafe.org/KillerWater
September 29, 2006
Smoke Detectors Soon
Required in Automobiles
Car fires donÕt happen
often, but new regulations will make sure that you are warned when any smoke is
detected in your vehicles. If a
passenger decides to Òlight upÓ, the detector will alarm emit an ear shattering noise and your
carÕs engine will automatically be turned off. ÒItÕs for your own goodÓ lawmakers say.
I was invited by ÒBaronÓ
Ron Herron to give this Òradio rebuttalÓ which was broadcast on KIST Santa
Barbara, after the City Council enacted a regulation requiring every house to
have a smoke detector. The long term hazards are just now being recognized.
https://notsafe.org/SmokeDetectorHazards
October 2, 2006
Buckle Seat Belt or Go-To-Jail
This ÒsuggestionÓ was sent to Barney Brantingham (Santa
Barbara NewsPress) as a joke. Within 2
years, California lawmakers enacted the mandatory seat belt laws.
https://notsafe.org/SeatBeltOrJail
Apply the ÒRevolving DoorÓ Theory To Bureaucrats
Incompetence & Inefficiency In Government---Not A Bad
Thing?
https://notsafe.org/Index_TermLimits
October 15, 2006
PETA Lobbys For Insect & Bacterial ÒRightsÓ
If animals have rights...shouldnÕt insects (even the ugly
ones) have rights also?
https://notsafe.org/InsectRights
And why not the herpes virus?
https://notsafe.org/Index_CartoonsWithAnEdge-Pages/Image4.html
Thanks (I think) to Al Martinez who wrote this article for
the Los Angeles Times. The story was
picked up by several wire services. The result was about 70 radio interviews, 6
television reports, 40 new members to NOTSAFE, 3 wedding proposals and 5 pieces of Òhate mailÓ from Òanimal
rightsÓ fascists.
https://notsafe.org/LATimesMay82
State-of-the-Art ÒGun
ControlÓ & Inventory Madness
Here is a collection of articles/clippings from some of your favorite prisons and police stations. These raise the question of ÒeffectiveÓ enforcement in some of the most tightly controlled environments on earth. How well do bureaucrats and Òpolice agenciesÓ control their own guns? That question is also answered.
https://notsafe.org/Index_GunControlFailingInPrisons
The Perfectly (SAFE) Toy
The OrderÑItÕs Only FictionÉ For A While
The OrderÑFirst
published in the Journal of Irreproducible Results in 1981, this is a ÒfictionalÓ prediction about micro-implanted
transmitters. Based upon a bad dream I had after eating spinach, it
has helped many of us prepare us for the methods that Big Brother will
utilize to make this a safer world. This article has been republished 5 times
during the past 25 years in the JIR. Thanks to Editors Dr. George Scherr and
Dr. Norman Sperling for having the courage to publish this and the many other
NOTSAFE articles.
https://notsafe.org/TheOrder1981
October 28, 2006
After years of protest by religious groups and safety advocated, federal legislation now prohibits the scaring of children and/or distribution of candy or prizes by strangers between sunset and sunrise from October 27 through November 1 each year. The ACLU, representing several satanic cults and confectionary manufacturers, plans to file lawsuits to overturn this law on the grounds that it doesnÕt protect Òdevil worshipingÓ endangered species.
Halloween is the scariest time of the yearÉbe afraid, be
VERY afraid.
Crop Circles Discovered
in Montecito, California
The global warming trend, melting
polar bear ice craps and high altitude atmospheric disturbances felt last night
(7-4-06) around 9PM are clear evidence that the Bush Administration has failed
to protect the environment. Additional photographic evidence from anonymous sources at the New York
Times also indicated an increased frequency in Montecito area crop
circles. It is rumored that
several alien abductions have occurred in our quiet little community (3 people
on San Ysidro Road last week alone).
In one location near Casa De
Maria, white powdery radioactive dust particles were detected in the surrounding bushes and may have polluted the
water supply for southern California.
Seismic activity in the Santa Barbara area has also been increasing
during the past 6 years...coincidence? This may be the Òside-effectsÓ (?) of
secret experiments being conducted by the military using satellites to
"microwave" tiger salamanders in our area.
These photos were submitted by an anonymous tipster wearing the latest New-York-Times-Approved aluminum foil ski-cap.
CAUTION: Some of these images may not be suitable for
younger viewers.
https://notsafe.org/Index_MontecitoCropCircles
November 2, 2006
A national certification program has been established which will require a license before a woman can become pregnant. This law will enable child protective and government experts to determine whether or not a Òpotential parentÓ has sufficient education and physical health to spawn. Many babies are born with fetal alcohol syndrome (or addicted to illegal drugs) because the parents were unprepared . AÒUser HandbookÓ will be available to all new parents upon completion of the 2 year home-study course. Birth control methods will be part of this voluntary program, which will become mandatory by 2009.
What can be done about child abuse? Many, many things. This pre-news article is P-Rated
https://notsafe.org/Parental_Licensing_Plan
Dangerous Objects In The News
Doctors in the UK want to ban kitchen knives, soda cans used in Òroad rageÓ incidents, and the controversial Òbull hornsÓ of Pamplona, SpainÉ.butt waitÉTHEREÕS MORE!!
https://notsafe.org/Index_DangerousObjectsInTheNews
Guns In The Cockpit?
Could a gun in the cockpit have saved thousands of lives? You decide.
https://notsafe.org/GunsInCockpit
Indulge Your ÒInner PigÓ Using Michael Moore Diet
Everyone loves a big fat pig. At least thatÕs what
pigs think. Join the Òbutter-for-lunch-bunchÓ and find out how to pack on those
extra pounds within just a few days.
https://notsafe.org/SexDiet4Slobs
Speaking of TonguesÉ
God speaks in many tongues..to many ears. One
morning He interrupted the Òsnap, crackle, popÓ...and I was listening. Send $8
million by March or these little flakes get eaten.
https://notsafe.org/DivineMessageInCerealBowl
Insight on NOTSAFE Plan
This article by Glenn Simpson (Insight Magazine) from1989 was one of the most comprehensive
explanations of our goals and methods. If youÕre going to print only ONE
article to understand NOTSAFE, this is the one.
https://notsafe.org/InsightArticle
Pilot Drugged By Cranky Waitress Crashes Plane
This is an absolutely fictional story written in 1975Éand could never happen
https://notsafe.org/Index_TheHecadamaIncident
Airline Safety Stripped To The Bare Essentials
Fly Naked..Fly Safe!! Aviation safety has
always been one of my favorite subjects. Here are some ways to make the skies
friendlier. All passengers please remove their clothes before boarding...and
donÕt stand too close to the person in front of you.
https://notsafe.org/FlySaferNaked_ALL
Drug Paraphernalia and
Look-Alike-Bureaucrats
See if you can find the ÒrealÓ Jerry Brown in this
photograph. Drug (and politician) Òlook-alikesÓ should be prohibited.
https://notsafe.org/Drug_LookAlike_Law
Brain Buckets For Everyone
Ok, so everyone that rides should wear a helmet. How
about bicycles, tricycles, and roller skaters. DonÕt forget little red wagons,
wheelbarrow racers and ...you get the picture.
https://notsafe.org/MotorcycleHelmets4Joggers
QuagmireÑThe Movie
The first (and last) quarterly edition of QUAGMIREÑOfficial Newsletter of NOTSAFE
Original copies now considered a Òcollectors itemÓ frequently sold on E-bay for $250-$800 depending upon condition.
https://notsafe.org/Index_Quagmire1983
Forcing Churches To Shelter The Homeless
Where are all the Ògood SamaritansÓ when the homeless are freezing? Here is a suggestion that got a few ÒsteeplesÓ riled up.
https://notsafe.org/Homeless_Solutions
Plan Allows Homeless To Trade Organs For Food/Shelter
When there are too many homeless, how can they be used to
guaranteed enough transplant organs for the rich? This press release was
prompted by the ÒcontroversialÓ use of a baboon heart in a human.
https://notsafe.org/UseHomeless4DonorRodeos
Hamburgers & TaxesÑToo Much Of A Good Thing?
This University of Colorado ÒPictoGramÓ in US News and World Report and Farm Journal article (1925) speak for themselves.
https://notsafe.org/HamburgersAndTaxes
While living in Santa Barbara, Pat Cox wrote this article
for Reason Magazine.
https://notsafe.org/NOTSAFE_ReasonAug81
Auto Safety In The Rear View Mirror
The NHTSA required 3 tail lights to make driving safer.
NOTSAFE thinks more tail lights and a few other items would make everyone
safer.
https://notsafe.org/Put_Oatmeal_In_Car_Bumpers
Here are some ÒcreativeÓ taxation ideas. When it comes to the IRS, be afraidÉbe very afraid.
https://notsafe.org/TaxIdeasFromHell
Senator Gary Hart had this great idea...we just added a
few Òside notesÓ and one for the road.
https://notsafe.org/ScoreCard4Drunks
Pointing A FingerÑHazardous
To Your Health
If you point your finger at someone, be sure it isnÕt a cop having a bad day.
https://notsafe.org/Index_FingerPointing
Evil Messages In Music, Stop Signs and Bumper Stickers
Who knows what evil lurks in the music of youth?ÉBureaucrats know!
See an actual example of a ÒpornographicÓ bumper sticker published by the Goleta (Californica) Water District. This page is rated PG (Potentially Gross)Énot recommended for weak stomachs.
https://notsafe.org/Index_SubliminalMessages
From Secretary of State Madeline AlbrightÕs own mouthÉ
http://www.hri.org/news/usa/voa/2000/00-05-17.voa.html
This ÒeditorialÓ was read to Southern California listeners on KNX Radio AM1070 in response to a Òwhy canÕt we all just get alongÓ whiner.
https://notsafe.org/Index_WeaknessAttractsVultures
https://notsafe.org/MontecitoTaxPlan
Even Warning Labels Can Be Dangerous
Every year..the same old ÒwarningsÓÉnow thereÕs something
to really be afraid of!!
https://notsafe.org/LADailyXmas82
Way to go Michael!!
https://notsafe.org/LikeFather_LikeSon
Dalina (age 7) At her first interview .
https://notsafe.org/DBLMontLife
Dalina (age 8) for an English assignment created this 4
page ÒNewspaperÓ designed to explain NOTSAFE to younger children.
All The News That Broke Before ItÕs Time
This is a collection of published newspaper/magazine
articles from all over, including, National Enquirer, Dallas Morning News, New Jersey Record and a reprint of the Al Martinez Los
Angeles Times story in a German magazine.
https://notsafe.org/NewsArticles
These are some of the best ÒNOTSAFEÓ category cartoons IÕve foundÉ
https://notsafe.org/Index_CartoonsWithAnEdge
1. Being associated with ÒoddballsÓ, cults, zealots, bureaucrats and people who wear fur coats in August.
2. Fill in the blank________________________
3. Being interviewed by journalist assembling a story on ÒoddballsÓ cults and people who eat fur coats.
https://notsafe.org/Index_StrangeCults_Jan96USNWR