The NOTSAFE Pre-News Index

Breaking NewsÉBEFORE It Happens!!

 

Click on ÒthumbnailÓ images to enlarge.

 

 

 

July 1, 2006

North Korean Missiles Destroyed By Beer Cans In Space!

Garbage launched in early 1999 has luckily (but accidentally)  ÒtrashedÓ a  TOD (Type Of Dong) intercontinental missile which was on a  trajectory to penetrate San Francisco. It is believed that this missile was carrying small (but ecologically safe) nuclear warhead. A similar plan, using randomly strewn empty garbage cans, is now being considered to slow down speeding drivers on all interstate freeway systems. Learn about the Òlitter-defenseÓ theory by clicking on this link.

https://notsafe.org/Index_StrategicTrashInitiative

 

July 3, 2006

Anti War Protestors Begin 4 Hour Hunger Strike

Cindy Sheehan and a dozen high (and high profile) Hollywood celebrities have begun a grueling 4 hour hunger strike. This strike will continue until President Bush has agreed to become a vegetarian, practice harmonic convergence and withdraw all U.S. military forces from Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, New Orleans, Topeka and the Pentagon.

 

Promising not to surrender to their Òbiological needsÓ until ALL demands have been met, they are prepared to begin their ÒrollingÓ hunger strike at least once every 4 hoursÉand will only consume items approved in the ÒMichael MooreÓ dietÉDetails of their special ÒPeace DietÓ  can be found atÉ

https://notsafe.org/Index_SexDiet4Slobs

 

 

July 16, 2006

Terrorist Plot To Use ÒSynchronized FlushÓ

How could something as simple as a bathroom toilet become a weapon? As terrorist have discovered, all it takes is a little planning, an accurate watch and a lot of crap.

Have you ever felt that rumbling down deep inside and knew something BIG was about to happen? Do you have that inexplicable need to express yourself, but donÕt know how to write? HereÕs a sure-fire method to get your message exposed by simply flushing your toilet. Seat belt required before reading. https://notsafe.org/SynchronizedFlush

 

 

July 22, 2006

House Pets Confiscated To Feed Starving Children

Do you have a spare pet hanging around the house? Would you like to save endangered species and prevent destruction to the Rain Forest? This article was the result of a disturbing story from US News and World Report about Òbush meatÓ. No insects, mammals, reptiles or endangered species were harmed, embarrassed or insulted during the production of this Òpress releaseÓ.

https://notsafe.org/FoodRUsDogs

 

 

July 25, 2006

Lawmakers Vote to Ban Violent Parties

Before allowing your child to attend another birthday party, read how violence and baseball bats can create a dangerous situation and spawn terrorism.

https://notsafe.org/PinataSyndrome

 

 

August 3, 2006

Tourist Need Òpa$$portÓ to Visit SB

Santa Barbara has a beautiful climate, lots of great restaurants and only the best tourists should be allowed to visit.

https://notsafe.org/How_SB_Does_Tourism

 

 

 

August 16, 2006

New Laws Passed to Prevent Senile Driving

Are senile drivers more dangerous than drunks?  Could Òsobriety checkpointsÓ be the first step to a police state? Before you put the keys in the ignition, think about the risks and read these two articles.

https://notsafe.org/Senile_Drivers_Worse_Than_Drunks

 

https://notsafe.org/seniledrivers

 

 

August 21, 2006

Skateboarding Injuries Prompt New Regulations

Skateboarding and roller skates are just too dangerous to go unregulated. See if you donÕt agree. Joggers are next.

https://notsafe.org/Radar_4Skaters2

 

 

Advertisement

DonÕt By It If You CanÕt Touch It!!

DonÕt Get Scammed By ÒName-A-StarÓ HoaxesÉBuy REAL SAND Instead

Before sending $50 to get a star named for someone, consider naming a grain of sand instead. This special offer will save you time and money.

https://notsafe.org/BS9_ALL.html

 

 

Dangerous Gifts!! Give Them Before ItÕs Too Late!

Barney Brantingham of the Santa Barbara News Press helps spread the word on Òsafe givingÓ. Here are some things to avoid giving for Christmas, Birthdays and Anniversaries.

https://notsafe.org/Index_DangerousGiftIdeas

 

 

September 15, 2006

Federal Law Needed To Halt Water Abuse

Water, water...everywhere.  And all it does is kill.

https://notsafe.org/KillerWater

 

 

 

September 29, 2006

Smoke Detectors Soon Required in Automobiles

Car fires donÕt happen often, but new regulations will make sure that you are warned when any smoke is detected in your vehicles. If a  passenger decides to Òlight upÓ, the  detector will alarm emit an ear shattering noise and your carÕs engine will automatically be turned off.  ÒItÕs for your own goodÓ lawmakers say.

I was invited by ÒBaronÓ Ron Herron to give this Òradio rebuttalÓ which was broadcast on KIST Santa Barbara, after the City Council enacted a regulation requiring every house to have a smoke detector. The long term hazards are just now being recognized.

https://notsafe.org/SmokeDetectorHazards

 

 

October 2, 2006

Buckle Seat Belt or Go-To-Jail

This ÒsuggestionÓ was sent to Barney Brantingham (Santa Barbara NewsPress) as a joke. Within 2 years, California lawmakers enacted the mandatory seat belt laws.

https://notsafe.org/SeatBeltOrJail

 

 

 

Apply the ÒRevolving DoorÓ Theory To Bureaucrats

Incompetence & Inefficiency In Government---Not A Bad Thing?

https://notsafe.org/Index_TermLimits

 

 

 

October 15, 2006

PETA Lobbys For Insect & Bacterial ÒRightsÓ

If animals have rights...shouldnÕt insects (even the ugly ones) have rights also?

https://notsafe.org/InsectRights

 

And why not the herpes virus? 

https://notsafe.org/Index_CartoonsWithAnEdge-Pages/Image4.html

 

 

Thanks (I think) to Al Martinez who wrote this article for the Los Angeles Times. The story was picked up by several wire services. The result was about 70 radio interviews, 6 television reports, 40 new members to NOTSAFE, 3 wedding proposals and  5 pieces of Òhate mailÓ from Òanimal rightsÓ fascists.

https://notsafe.org/LATimesMay82

 

 

State-of-the-Art ÒGun ControlÓ & Inventory Madness

Here is a collection of articles/clippings from some of your favorite prisons and police stations.  These raise the question of ÒeffectiveÓ enforcement in some of the most tightly controlled environments on earth. How well do bureaucrats and Òpolice agenciesÓ control their own guns?  That question is also answered.

https://notsafe.org/Index_GunControlFailingInPrisons

 

 

The Perfectly (SAFE) Toy

Looking for a perfect toy?  Christmas is always just around the corner and this is the only Level 5 toy ever marketed. You can still buy one for only $4,250.00 (plus tax and shipping).

https://notsafe.org/BloatBalls

 

 

The OrderÑItÕs Only FictionÉ For A While

The OrderÑFirst published in the Journal of Irreproducible Results in 1981, this is a ÒfictionalÓ prediction about micro-implanted transmitters. Based upon a bad dream I had after eating spinach, it has helped many of us prepare us for the methods that Big Brother will utilize to make this a safer world. This article has been republished 5 times during the past 25 years in the JIR. Thanks to Editors Dr. George Scherr and Dr. Norman Sperling for having the courage to publish this and the many other NOTSAFE articles.

https://notsafe.org/TheOrder1981

 

 

October 28, 2006

Halloween Banned Nationwide

After years of protest by religious groups and safety advocated, federal legislation now prohibits the scaring of children and/or distribution of candy or prizes by strangers between sunset and sunrise from October 27 through November 1 each year. The ACLU, representing several satanic cults and confectionary manufacturers, plans to file lawsuits to overturn this law on the grounds that it doesnÕt protect Òdevil worshipingÓ endangered species.

Halloween is the scariest time of the yearÉbe afraid, be VERY afraid.

https://notsafe.org/Halloween

 

 

Crop Circles Discovered in Montecito, California

The global warming trend, melting polar bear ice craps and high altitude atmospheric disturbances felt last night (7-4-06) around 9PM are clear evidence that the Bush Administration has failed to protect the environment. Additional photographic evidence  from anonymous sources at the New York Times also indicated an increased frequency in Montecito area crop circles.  It is rumored that several alien abductions have occurred in our quiet little community (3 people on San Ysidro Road last week alone).

 

In one location near Casa De Maria, white powdery radioactive dust particles were  detected in the surrounding bushes and may have polluted the water supply for southern California.  Seismic activity in the Santa Barbara area has also been increasing during the past 6 years...coincidence? This may be the Òside-effectsÓ (?) of secret experiments being conducted by the military using satellites to "microwave" tiger salamanders in our area.

 

These photos were submitted by an anonymous tipster wearing the latest New-York-Times-Approved aluminum foil ski-cap.

 

CAUTION: Some of these images may not be suitable for younger viewers.

https://notsafe.org/Index_MontecitoCropCircles

 

 

 

November 2, 2006

Parental Licensing Necessary To Reduce Child Abuse

A national certification program has been established which will require a license before a woman can become pregnant. This law will enable child protective and government experts to determine whether or not a Òpotential parentÓ has sufficient education and physical health to spawn. Many babies are born with fetal alcohol syndrome (or addicted to illegal drugs) because the parents were unprepared . AÒUser HandbookÓ will be available to all new parents upon completion of the 2 year home-study course. Birth control methods will be part of this voluntary program, which will become mandatory by 2009.

What can be done about child abuse? Many, many things. This pre-news article is P-Rated

https://notsafe.org/Parental_Licensing_Plan

 

 

Dangerous Objects In The News

Doctors in the UK want to ban kitchen knives, soda cans used in Òroad rageÓ incidents, and the controversial Òbull hornsÓ of Pamplona, SpainÉ.butt waitÉTHEREÕS MORE!!

https://notsafe.org/Index_DangerousObjectsInTheNews

 

 

 

Guns In The Cockpit?

Could a gun in the cockpit have saved thousands of lives?  You decide.

https://notsafe.org/GunsInCockpit

 

 

Indulge Your ÒInner PigÓ Using Michael Moore Diet

Everyone loves a big fat pig.  At least thatÕs what pigs think. Join the Òbutter-for-lunch-bunchÓ and find out how to pack on those extra pounds within just a few days.

https://notsafe.org/SexDiet4Slobs

 

 

 

Speaking of TonguesÉ

God speaks in many tongues..to many ears.  One morning He interrupted the Òsnap, crackle, popÓ...and I was listening. Send $8 million by March or these little flakes get eaten.

https://notsafe.org/DivineMessageInCerealBowl

 

 

Insight on NOTSAFE Plan

This article by Glenn Simpson (Insight Magazine) from1989 was one of the most comprehensive explanations of our goals and methods. If youÕre going to print only ONE article to understand NOTSAFE, this is the one.

https://notsafe.org/InsightArticle

 

 

 

Pilot Drugged By Cranky Waitress Crashes Plane

This is an absolutely fictional story written in 1975Éand could never happen

https://notsafe.org/Index_TheHecadamaIncident

 

 

Airline Safety Stripped To The Bare Essentials

Fly Naked..Fly Safe!!   Aviation safety has always been one of my favorite subjects. Here are some ways to make the skies friendlier. All passengers please remove their clothes before boarding...and donÕt stand too close to the person in front of you. 

https://notsafe.org/FlySaferNaked_ALL

 

 

 

 

Drug Paraphernalia and Look-Alike-Bureaucrats

See if you can find the ÒrealÓ Jerry Brown in this photograph. Drug (and politician) Òlook-alikesÓ should be prohibited.

https://notsafe.org/Drug_LookAlike_Law

 

 

Brain Buckets For Everyone

Ok, so everyone that rides should wear a helmet.  How about bicycles, tricycles, and roller skaters. DonÕt forget little red wagons, wheelbarrow racers and ...you get the picture.

https://notsafe.org/MotorcycleHelmets4Joggers

 

 

QuagmireÑThe Movie

The first (and last) quarterly edition of QUAGMIREÑOfficial Newsletter of NOTSAFE

Original copies now considered a Òcollectors itemÓ frequently sold on E-bay for $250-$800 depending upon condition.

https://notsafe.org/Index_Quagmire1983

 

 

 

Forcing Churches To Shelter The Homeless

Where are all the Ògood SamaritansÓ when the homeless are freezing? Here is a suggestion that got a few  ÒsteeplesÓ riled up.

https://notsafe.org/Homeless_Solutions

 

 

Plan Allows Homeless To Trade Organs For Food/Shelter

When there are too many homeless, how can they be used to guaranteed enough transplant organs for the rich? This press release was prompted by the ÒcontroversialÓ use of a baboon heart in a human.

https://notsafe.org/UseHomeless4DonorRodeos

 

 

Hamburgers & TaxesÑToo Much Of A Good Thing?

This University of Colorado ÒPictoGramÓ in US News and World Report and Farm Journal article (1925) speak for themselves.

https://notsafe.org/HamburgersAndTaxes

 

 

While living in Santa Barbara, Pat Cox wrote this article for Reason Magazine.

https://notsafe.org/NOTSAFE_ReasonAug81

 

 

Auto Safety In The Rear View Mirror

The NHTSA required 3 tail lights to make driving safer. NOTSAFE thinks more tail lights and a few other items would make everyone safer.

https://notsafe.org/Put_Oatmeal_In_Car_Bumpers

 

 

Here are some ÒcreativeÓ taxation ideas. When it comes to the IRS, be afraidÉbe very afraid.

https://notsafe.org/TaxIdeasFromHell

 

 

 

Senator Gary Hart had this great idea...we just added a few Òside notesÓ and one for the road.

https://notsafe.org/ScoreCard4Drunks

 

 

Pointing A FingerÑHazardous To Your Health

If you point your finger at someone, be sure it isnÕt a cop having a bad day.

https://notsafe.org/Index_FingerPointing

 

 

Evil Messages In Music, Stop Signs and Bumper Stickers

Who knows what evil lurks in the music of youth?ÉBureaucrats know!

See an actual example of a ÒpornographicÓ bumper sticker published by the Goleta (Californica) Water District.  This page is rated PG (Potentially Gross)Énot recommended for weak stomachs.

https://notsafe.org/Index_SubliminalMessages

 

 

Weakness Attracts Vultures

From Secretary of State Madeline AlbrightÕs own mouthÉ

http://www.hri.org/news/usa/voa/2000/00-05-17.voa.html

 

This ÒeditorialÓ was read to Southern California listeners on KNX Radio AM1070 in response to a Òwhy canÕt we all just get alongÓ whiner.

https://notsafe.org/Index_WeaknessAttractsVultures

 

 

 

 

NOTSAFEÕs Tax-The-Poor Plan

Special Òtax planÓ for special peopleÉ

https://notsafe.org/MontecitoTaxPlan

 

 

 

Even Warning Labels Can Be Dangerous

Every year..the same old ÒwarningsÓÉnow thereÕs something to really be afraid of!!

https://notsafe.org/ChristmasSafetyTips

 

https://notsafe.org/LADailyXmas82

 

 

Way to go Michael!! 

https://notsafe.org/LikeFather_LikeSon

 

 

Dalina (age 7) At her first interview .

https://notsafe.org/DBLMontLife

 

 

Dalina (age 8) for an English assignment created this 4 page ÒNewspaperÓ designed to explain NOTSAFE to younger children.

https://notsafe.org/DBLBook

 

 

All The News That Broke Before ItÕs Time

This is a collection of published newspaper/magazine articles from all over, including, National Enquirer, Dallas Morning News, New Jersey Record and a reprint of the Al Martinez Los Angeles Times story in a German magazine.

https://notsafe.org/NewsArticles

 

 

Cartoons With An Edge

These are some of the best ÒNOTSAFEÓ category cartoons IÕve foundÉ

https://notsafe.org/Index_CartoonsWithAnEdge

 

Things To AvoidÉ

1.     Being associated with ÒoddballsÓ, cults, zealots, bureaucrats and people who wear fur coats in August.

2.     Fill in the blank________________________

3.     Being interviewed by journalist assembling a story on ÒoddballsÓ cults and people who eat fur coats.

 

https://notsafe.org/Index_StrangeCults_Jan96USNWR